Hi! I'm tired from writing a paper. So I'm just going to post Life Alert Dance Remixes and JINGLE ALL THE WAAAAAAY clips.
12.15.2008
12.10.2008
game shows
It really bothers me when families competing on Family Feud wear matching outfits.
Also, I hate when people give stupid answers:
It's really bad when people on Wheel of Fortune, the easiest game show ever, cannot even solve the fucking puzzle. A K????? A K??????? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! I'm proud to have this intelligent specimen in our armed forces!
or you can just fail miserably (YET STILL WIN?) at the price is right. someone didn't get enough time to cook in the incubator obviously.
Also, I hate when people give stupid answers:
It's really bad when people on Wheel of Fortune, the easiest game show ever, cannot even solve the fucking puzzle. A K????? A K??????? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! I'm proud to have this intelligent specimen in our armed forces!
or you can just fail miserably (YET STILL WIN?) at the price is right. someone didn't get enough time to cook in the incubator obviously.
12.04.2008
I would like a re-take of my photo ID card, please.
Dear College,
I would like a re-take of my photo ID card, please. My septum ring makes it look like I have a metallic Hitler mustache and my head is tilted at a strange angle. I am also not looking into the camera because I received no direction from the so-called "photographer". The lighting in the picture makes it look like I have a 5-o'clock shadow! This is an absolute outrage!!! My ponytail is also distraught looking because the woman who set me up for getting the photo DID NOT hand me a comb like they used to do during school pictures. Whatever happened to hospitaliano??? Let me tell ya, back in my day we would have given this kind of rudeness a belt and a sack of oranges to the roast rump! Please write back soon, I will be anxiously awaiting your reply.
Regards,
Enraged College Student
I would like a re-take of my photo ID card, please. My septum ring makes it look like I have a metallic Hitler mustache and my head is tilted at a strange angle. I am also not looking into the camera because I received no direction from the so-called "photographer". The lighting in the picture makes it look like I have a 5-o'clock shadow! This is an absolute outrage!!! My ponytail is also distraught looking because the woman who set me up for getting the photo DID NOT hand me a comb like they used to do during school pictures. Whatever happened to hospitaliano??? Let me tell ya, back in my day we would have given this kind of rudeness a belt and a sack of oranges to the roast rump! Please write back soon, I will be anxiously awaiting your reply.
Regards,
Enraged College Student
Dear Metro,
Hi. I was "quoted" today in your paper, and by quoted I mean what I said was taken and skull fucked to death. Were you even taking notes of anything except for my name, age, and where I lived? No wonder people don't take the Metro seriously. Besides the fact that it looks like it was written by the remedial class at an elementary school, it also seems you blatantly just pick people off the street and put quotes to their names that they did not actually say. I'm sure a lot of papers do this to some extent, but Jesus Christ!
I first got into this mess when one of your "reporters" approached me sitting in a bench near the Boylston T station. Now why your reporters would go near the Common for newspaper statements, I have no idea. Here are the 3 types of people who walk around the Common: junkies, high college students wearing those damn sweaters made out of tapestries and who play hackey sack, and tourists carrying 8 pounds of maps and Charliecards in their fanny packs. Let's not get into why I was sitting there though. One of your young reporters approached and sat down next to me, asking for a quote for the Metro. I should have said "NO!" once I heard "METRO", but alas, I am a complete pushover. The reporter took my quote and left.
Here's what you said I said:
“I think this country will undergo tremendous and amazing positive change,” said Ellen *****, 21, of Pretentious Boston Subsection. “I was really happy. Hopefully Barack Obama can finally fix things.”
Here's what actually happened:
Reporter: So were you surprised Obama won?
Me: No, I expected it.
Reporter: Are you happy with the election results?
Me: Sure!
Reporter: Do you think Obama will change how other countries view America?
Me: Not right away, no. Probably not for a couple of years actually. It's still going to take forever to get us out of Iraq and only a cabinet change and time will really change the way we deal with foreign policy . okay, this is not verbatim, but close enough)
Reporter: Okay, thanks!
That was it. How the hell did you get my quote? WHAT THE FUCK METRO?! I will from now on only give quotes to the delightful woman who stands outside Borders handing out the Spare Change paper.
I'd also like to add that yes, I do like Obama. I'm happy he won because McCain is going to be dead in like 2 years, and Sarah Palin is, judging from what she has named her children, mentally retarded. But stop treating the damn man like he's some kind of wizard who is going to cast a few spells and save America in a matter of months. The economy will still be fucked, racists like the KKK will still be around burning crosses (and being extremely homoerotic), we'll still be in Iraq, the Celtic Women will still be allowed to record music, and Flavor Flav will be making "Flavor of Love 25: Who's Gonna Pay My Child Support?". These things take time, money, and power. And he might be fucked on at least 2 of these things (time because the world will end in 12/21/12). So don't hold your breath folks, and don't be disappointed when everything doesn't turn out peachy keen.
I guess I started this as a letter so I will end it with a
Sincerely,
Ellen
I first got into this mess when one of your "reporters" approached me sitting in a bench near the Boylston T station. Now why your reporters would go near the Common for newspaper statements, I have no idea. Here are the 3 types of people who walk around the Common: junkies, high college students wearing those damn sweaters made out of tapestries and who play hackey sack, and tourists carrying 8 pounds of maps and Charliecards in their fanny packs. Let's not get into why I was sitting there though. One of your young reporters approached and sat down next to me, asking for a quote for the Metro. I should have said "NO!" once I heard "METRO", but alas, I am a complete pushover. The reporter took my quote and left.
Here's what you said I said:
“I think this country will undergo tremendous and amazing positive change,” said Ellen *****, 21, of Pretentious Boston Subsection. “I was really happy. Hopefully Barack Obama can finally fix things.”
Here's what actually happened:
Reporter: So were you surprised Obama won?
Me: No, I expected it.
Reporter: Are you happy with the election results?
Me: Sure!
Reporter: Do you think Obama will change how other countries view America?
Me: Not right away, no. Probably not for a couple of years actually. It's still going to take forever to get us out of Iraq and only a cabinet change and time will really change the way we deal with foreign policy . okay, this is not verbatim, but close enough)
Reporter: Okay, thanks!
That was it. How the hell did you get my quote? WHAT THE FUCK METRO?! I will from now on only give quotes to the delightful woman who stands outside Borders handing out the Spare Change paper.
I'd also like to add that yes, I do like Obama. I'm happy he won because McCain is going to be dead in like 2 years, and Sarah Palin is, judging from what she has named her children, mentally retarded. But stop treating the damn man like he's some kind of wizard who is going to cast a few spells and save America in a matter of months. The economy will still be fucked, racists like the KKK will still be around burning crosses (and being extremely homoerotic), we'll still be in Iraq, the Celtic Women will still be allowed to record music, and Flavor Flav will be making "Flavor of Love 25: Who's Gonna Pay My Child Support?". These things take time, money, and power. And he might be fucked on at least 2 of these things (time because the world will end in 12/21/12). So don't hold your breath folks, and don't be disappointed when everything doesn't turn out peachy keen.
I guess I started this as a letter so I will end it with a
Sincerely,
Ellen
Things to accomplish in the next 10 minutes
Dear Axl Rose,
Fuck you. Fuck YOU. FUCK you. FUCK YOU. Why are you releasing Chinese Democracy on a Sunday? Too good for Tuesday like everyone else? Trying to make the number 1 spot by releasing it before Tuesday because everyone knows Chinese Democracy will suck? Maybe I'm wrong (no), maybe I'm drunk (yes), maybe I'm just plain skeptical of an album that has been worked on since 1994 and is finally being released 14 years later. What have they been doing for 14 fucking years? Pitch tuning your voice because you can't hit the high notes anymore?
Axl...please listen to me. NO AXL DON'T GET ANGRY. Actually, it's kind of hard to tell what emotion is on your face because of your thirty face lifts. You've got a less emotive face than the world's #1 botox victim Laura fucking Bush. But Axl, do you remember when you were cool? I mean, I don't technically because I wasn't born yet. But I've seen the videos. "Welcome to the Jungle?" You were hot! Though I'd never admit it, except in a facebook blog. And it had a Clockwork Orange reference. Awesome! Look, I've bought my copy of Appetite for Destruction and was unafraid to yell "YES I LOVE THIS ALBUM IT KICKS ASS IT IS FUN AND MR BROWNSTONE IS THE BEST SONG ABOUT HEROIN EVER". Hey, your cover album is pretty awesome too, just because it's got some great choices. Misfits? Johnny Thunders? New York Dolls? FEAR???! Great, A+, Fantastic!
Axl, let it go. You were cool. You should be remember that way. Your little crab walk and your flower print Betsey Johnson pants were wonderful. But now you have a face that rapes my mind, dreadlocks (white guys with dreadlocks = a huge no no, what were you thinking?!), and you only seem to wear sports jerseys. Let's face it, you now look like a Level 3 Sex Offender who lives in a homeless shelter and sings on the side of the road for change. Ya blew it Axl, ya blew it!
Oh, and I just read this album is going to be released at Best Buy ONLY. Wow. I know Guns 'n' Roses never said FUCK THE ESTABLISHMENT, but way to fuck over ever single little record store in the country. I have lost respect for every single band that only releases albums at large chain stores that are raping the country (ps i used to work at borders lulz). Actually, I never had respect for the Eagles, so I guess it's different with you. You can change this! Allow Chinese Democracy to be downloaded for free on the internet. Actually, you don't have to allow it, because it will be done by most people anyways. I refuse to buy this album, but instead will download it and mock it from my own home. And if I enjoy it, then fuck you even more Axl. because I just wrote this whole letter and it will mean nothing if I can kick out the jams to your 14-year masterpiece(?).
Love,
ellen
p.s. stop dragging down tommy stinson with you. he was the hottest guy in the replacements! and Tommy, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! every time i see pictures of you playing with guns n roses, you are wearing some god awful used car salesman suit.
p.p.s: thanks for the free doctor pepper.
Axl...please listen to me. NO AXL DON'T GET ANGRY. Actually, it's kind of hard to tell what emotion is on your face because of your thirty face lifts. You've got a less emotive face than the world's #1 botox victim Laura fucking Bush. But Axl, do you remember when you were cool? I mean, I don't technically because I wasn't born yet. But I've seen the videos. "Welcome to the Jungle?" You were hot! Though I'd never admit it, except in a facebook blog. And it had a Clockwork Orange reference. Awesome! Look, I've bought my copy of Appetite for Destruction and was unafraid to yell "YES I LOVE THIS ALBUM IT KICKS ASS IT IS FUN AND MR BROWNSTONE IS THE BEST SONG ABOUT HEROIN EVER". Hey, your cover album is pretty awesome too, just because it's got some great choices. Misfits? Johnny Thunders? New York Dolls? FEAR???! Great, A+, Fantastic!
Axl, let it go. You were cool. You should be remember that way. Your little crab walk and your flower print Betsey Johnson pants were wonderful. But now you have a face that rapes my mind, dreadlocks (white guys with dreadlocks = a huge no no, what were you thinking?!), and you only seem to wear sports jerseys. Let's face it, you now look like a Level 3 Sex Offender who lives in a homeless shelter and sings on the side of the road for change. Ya blew it Axl, ya blew it!
Oh, and I just read this album is going to be released at Best Buy ONLY. Wow. I know Guns 'n' Roses never said FUCK THE ESTABLISHMENT, but way to fuck over ever single little record store in the country. I have lost respect for every single band that only releases albums at large chain stores that are raping the country (ps i used to work at borders lulz). Actually, I never had respect for the Eagles, so I guess it's different with you. You can change this! Allow Chinese Democracy to be downloaded for free on the internet. Actually, you don't have to allow it, because it will be done by most people anyways. I refuse to buy this album, but instead will download it and mock it from my own home. And if I enjoy it, then fuck you even more Axl. because I just wrote this whole letter and it will mean nothing if I can kick out the jams to your 14-year masterpiece(?).
Love,
ellen
p.s. stop dragging down tommy stinson with you. he was the hottest guy in the replacements! and Tommy, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU! every time i see pictures of you playing with guns n roses, you are wearing some god awful used car salesman suit.
p.p.s: thanks for the free doctor pepper.
favorite website (besides fleshbot)
What if wikipedia was only edited by 5 year old children and Corky from Life Goes On? Well, go to wiki answers and you will find out!
You too can find out answers to the questions you've been dying to ask, such as What outfits did freddie mercury wear? (answer: spectacular ones)
Also: find out who gave Freddie Mercury AIDS!
An extremely intellectual debate on the cultural importance of Lil Wayne
What happens if you accidentally stepped in a pile of AIDS?
HOW DO I BECOME A MERMAN!!!!
What did William Taft do before he was president?
something about boners or lack there of
Hi! My name's Stivvy! I'm a student at the Richard Simmons College of Fitness and I only go on the computers here to block other students from doing homework so I can watch hardcore pornography and go on facebook and post about weird fetishes in the little people community. I have spent the last hour and a half "working on a paper" AKA going on wikianswers and looking up the words "sexy" "freddie mercury" "erectile dysfunction" and "pile of AIDS" in the search engine! I'm glad I'm going to be paying back tens of thousands of dollars for this school for the rest of my life so I could go on the internet.
Please post with your favorite wiki answer websites so we can rejoice and bathe in the blood of disney teenage pop stars. * WOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRFhjadkhfdaksjfjdhkfs!!!!
*except the cast of even stevens. what a great show!
You too can find out answers to the questions you've been dying to ask, such as What outfits did freddie mercury wear? (answer: spectacular ones)
Also: find out who gave Freddie Mercury AIDS!
An extremely intellectual debate on the cultural importance of Lil Wayne
What happens if you accidentally stepped in a pile of AIDS?
HOW DO I BECOME A MERMAN!!!!
What did William Taft do before he was president?
something about boners or lack there of
Hi! My name's Stivvy! I'm a student at the Richard Simmons College of Fitness and I only go on the computers here to block other students from doing homework so I can watch hardcore pornography and go on facebook and post about weird fetishes in the little people community. I have spent the last hour and a half "working on a paper" AKA going on wikianswers and looking up the words "sexy" "freddie mercury" "erectile dysfunction" and "pile of AIDS" in the search engine! I'm glad I'm going to be paying back tens of thousands of dollars for this school for the rest of my life so I could go on the internet.
Please post with your favorite wiki answer websites so we can rejoice and bathe in the blood of disney teenage pop stars. * WOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRFhjadkhfdaksjfjdhkfs!!!!
*except the cast of even stevens. what a great show!
11.10.2008
Hello Blog World
Well hello. This is my first entry on this blog. And why not start it out with a complaint? I think my neighbors need to turn down the fucking bass on their music. Why? Because it is literally SHAKING MY WALLS AT ALL TIMES OF THE DAY! This is fucking ridiculous. It's like a 24 hour headache.
They've just started playing reruns of the newest incarnation of The Twilight Zone on my TV, and by newest I mean it was canceled in 2003 after one season. Why would any channel agree to buy up the rights to this craptastic show? The original show was great, one of my favorites. But this new shit takes itself way too seriously, the acting is even worse, and the plot lines have delved from creepy to just plain corny. Yet, this show was hosted by Academy Award winner FOREST WHITAKER. FOREST- what the fuck were you thinking? You're too good for this! I understand you did this before you won your Oscar, but c'mon! I'm pretty sure this was right after you did Battlefield Earth, which was extremely shitty, but you could have redeemed yourself! You were in Ghost Dog for christsakes!
Anyway, I'm going to post a song or video every entry to entertain myself. Here's a fuckin' great song Surfin' with steve and E.D. Amin by the extremely short lived Helen Keller. It's available on Killed By Death #999 or you can try finding the 7" on eBay, usually sold for only a measly $200!!! I figure it goes well with Forest Whitaker, who played Idi Amin in King of Scotland.
Helen Keller - Surfin With Steve And E.D. Amin
Find out more about the wonderful Helen Keller (the band not the deaf/dumb/blind lady) at the wonderful breakmyface.com
They've just started playing reruns of the newest incarnation of The Twilight Zone on my TV, and by newest I mean it was canceled in 2003 after one season. Why would any channel agree to buy up the rights to this craptastic show? The original show was great, one of my favorites. But this new shit takes itself way too seriously, the acting is even worse, and the plot lines have delved from creepy to just plain corny. Yet, this show was hosted by Academy Award winner FOREST WHITAKER. FOREST- what the fuck were you thinking? You're too good for this! I understand you did this before you won your Oscar, but c'mon! I'm pretty sure this was right after you did Battlefield Earth, which was extremely shitty, but you could have redeemed yourself! You were in Ghost Dog for christsakes!
Anyway, I'm going to post a song or video every entry to entertain myself. Here's a fuckin' great song Surfin' with steve and E.D. Amin by the extremely short lived Helen Keller. It's available on Killed By Death #999 or you can try finding the 7" on eBay, usually sold for only a measly $200!!! I figure it goes well with Forest Whitaker, who played Idi Amin in King of Scotland.
Helen Keller - Surfin With Steve And E.D. Amin
Find out more about the wonderful Helen Keller (the band not the deaf/dumb/blind lady) at the wonderful breakmyface.com
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