Dear Metro,

Hi. I was "quoted" today in your paper, and by quoted I mean what I said was taken and skull fucked to death. Were you even taking notes of anything except for my name, age, and where I lived? No wonder people don't take the Metro seriously. Besides the fact that it looks like it was written by the remedial class at an elementary school, it also seems you blatantly just pick people off the street and put quotes to their names that they did not actually say. I'm sure a lot of papers do this to some extent, but Jesus Christ!
I first got into this mess when one of your "reporters" approached me sitting in a bench near the Boylston T station. Now why your reporters would go near the Common for newspaper statements, I have no idea. Here are the 3 types of people who walk around the Common: junkies, high college students wearing those damn sweaters made out of tapestries and who play hackey sack, and tourists carrying 8 pounds of maps and Charliecards in their fanny packs. Let's not get into why I was sitting there though. One of your young reporters approached and sat down next to me, asking for a quote for the Metro. I should have said "NO!" once I heard "METRO", but alas, I am a complete pushover. The reporter took my quote and left.
Here's what you said I said:
“I think this country will undergo tremendous and amazing positive change,” said Ellen *****, 21, of Pretentious Boston Subsection. “I was really happy. Hopefully Barack Obama can finally fix things.”
Here's what actually happened:
Reporter: So were you surprised Obama won?
Me: No, I expected it.
Reporter: Are you happy with the election results?
Me: Sure!
Reporter: Do you think Obama will change how other countries view America?
Me: Not right away, no. Probably not for a couple of years actually. It's still going to take forever to get us out of Iraq and only a cabinet change and time will really change the way we deal with foreign policy . okay, this is not verbatim, but close enough)
Reporter: Okay, thanks!

That was it. How the hell did you get my quote? WHAT THE FUCK METRO?! I will from now on only give quotes to the delightful woman who stands outside Borders handing out the Spare Change paper.
I'd also like to add that yes, I do like Obama. I'm happy he won because McCain is going to be dead in like 2 years, and Sarah Palin is, judging from what she has named her children, mentally retarded. But stop treating the damn man like he's some kind of wizard who is going to cast a few spells and save America in a matter of months. The economy will still be fucked, racists like the KKK will still be around burning crosses (and being extremely homoerotic), we'll still be in Iraq, the Celtic Women will still be allowed to record music, and Flavor Flav will be making "Flavor of Love 25: Who's Gonna Pay My Child Support?". These things take time, money, and power. And he might be fucked on at least 2 of these things (time because the world will end in 12/21/12). So don't hold your breath folks, and don't be disappointed when everything doesn't turn out peachy keen.

I guess I started this as a letter so I will end it with a
Sincerely,
Ellen